{"id":1953,"date":"2022-09-05T10:05:07","date_gmt":"2022-09-05T10:05:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nalinnes.org\/?page_id=1953"},"modified":"2022-09-05T10:10:44","modified_gmt":"2022-09-05T10:10:44","slug":"lorsque-letron-parait","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/nalinnes.org\/?page_id=1953","title":{"rendered":"Lorsque l&#8217;\u00e9tron parait"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full is-resized is-style-default\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/nalinnes.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/stron.png\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-1955\" width=\"275\" height=\"228\" srcset=\"https:\/\/nalinnes.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/stron.png 544w, https:\/\/nalinnes.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/stron-300x249.png 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 275px) 100vw, 275px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-uagb-container uagb-block-b6cbea90 alignfull uagb-is-root-container\"><div class=\"uagb-container-inner-blocks-wrap\">\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-0-background-color has-background\">L\u2019autre fois, j\u2019ai engendr\u00e9 l\u2019un des plus extraordinaires \u00e9trons qu\u2019il m\u2019ait \u00e9t\u00e9 donn\u00e9 de concevoir.<br>Les agapes qui avaient pr\u00e9c\u00e9d\u00e9s la production de ce monstre n\u2019avaient pourtant pas \u00e9t\u00e9 sup\u00e9rieures \u00e0 l\u2019accoutum\u00e9e.<br>L\u2019une ou l\u2019autre saucisse agr\u00e9ment\u00e9e d\u2019haricots en sauce. Deux ou trois jambonneaux farcis au saindoux, de la mayonnaise, des c\u00e9leris, des choux \u00e0 la cr\u00e8me, un caf\u00e9 et un \u00ab after eight \u00bb.<br>Rien que de tr\u00e8s frugal en somme !<br>Lorsque le bambin s\u2019est pr\u00e9sent\u00e9 \u00e0 l\u2019or\u00e9e de mon sphincter, j\u2019ai bien compris qu\u2019il s\u2019agissait l\u00e0 d\u2019une exception dans les annales (!) de mes cr\u00e9ations cagales.<br>Je le sentais, fr\u00e9tillant, guilleret, joyeux m\u00eame. Cependant, Silencieusement, il atteignit d\u2019un bloc l\u2019eau de la cuvette avant m\u00eame d\u2019avoir lib\u00e9r\u00e9 qu\u2019une faible partie de mon bol f\u00e9cal.<br>Il n\u2018en finissais plus de s\u2019\u00e9tendre ; \u00e0 tel point que je pensai s\u00e9rieusement tirer la chasse \u00e0 plusieurs reprises dans le but de faire place neuve. Cependant, ma curiosit\u00e9 \u00e9tant trop grande, je voulais avoir une chance de le voir tel quel avant de lui rendre sa libert\u00e9. Bien m\u2019en a pris ; le spectacle auquel j\u2019allais assister en valait la chandelle(!).<br>Lorsqu\u2019enfin je senti le cordon ombilica(ga)l qui le reliait encore \u00e0 moi d\u00e9finitivement coup\u00e9, je pratiquai une torchure minutieuse suivie d\u2019un recullotage rapide.<br>Malgr\u00e9 une lourde peine, comparable \u00e0 la d\u00e9pression post f\u00e9cale, j\u2019avais h\u00e2te de contempler mon \u0153uvre. J\u2019\u00e9tais f\u00e9brile.<br>Quel fantastique tableau!<br>Tout d\u2019abord, je m\u2019aper\u00e7us que toute l\u2019eau avait \u00e9t\u00e9 \u00e9vacu\u00e9e. Ne restait plus que la merveilleuse masse qui tr\u00f4nait( !) l\u00e0, telle une Venus sortie de l\u2019eau. La d\u00e9jection anale d\u00e9passait de loin toute commune mesure.<br>Elle avait cr\u00e9\u00e9 un tas merdal tellement important de couleur cuivr\u00e9e qui, si le flux n\u2019avait cess\u00e9, aurait atteint les poils de mon testicule gauche(je porte \u00e0 droite pour contrebalancer).<br>La forme me rem\u00e9morait nos vacances en Sicile d\u2019o\u00f9 nous pouvions apercevoir l\u2019Etna fier, droit et surtout encore fumant. J\u2019observais ma confection issue du volcan de mon cul.<br>Quant \u00e0 l\u2019odeur, que dire ? Elle n\u2019\u00e9tait pas sans \u00e9voquer les \u00e9pandages de lisiers dans mon village lorsque le printemps parait. Acre, \u00e0 la limite du supportable, probablement insupportable pour un autre que moi.<br>C\u2019est avec un grand regret, apr\u00e8s en avoir observ\u00e9 les contours pendant quelques minutes, que je tirai la chasse. Mon colombin ne s\u2019avoua pas vaincu facilement. Il refusait de partir. J\u2019\u00e9tais d\u00e9chir\u00e9 par la n\u00e9cessit\u00e9 de le laisser partir et le d\u00e9sir de le garder, pourquoi pas, pour en faire un moulage. Finalement, j\u2019optai pour une option plus raisonable qui consistait \u00e0 l\u2019enterrer dans le jardin.<br>Parfois, je vais me recueillir \u00e0 l\u2019endroit o\u00f9 je l\u2019ai laiss\u00e9. Des plantes sont apparues, signe qu\u2019il me sait gr\u00e9 de cette d\u00e9cision.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-1953","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/nalinnes.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1953","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/nalinnes.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/nalinnes.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nalinnes.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nalinnes.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1953"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/nalinnes.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1953\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1956,"href":"https:\/\/nalinnes.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1953\/revisions\/1956"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/nalinnes.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1953"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}